It was bound to happen. Over the centuries, felines all over the globe were abused, mistreated or abandoned. It was time for them to retaliate.
Oh sure, they hissed, spit and clawed sometimes. A lot of good it did any of them. But, the younger generations of cats were far more alert to human behavior. They were a lot healthier for all that great, fortified cat food their humans were feeding them day after day.
Even when Demon Cat began haunting the Capital in Washington DC and Unsinkable Sam survived a British Royal Navy shipwreck, humans only yawned.
Too bad the humans continued to think all cats were just "dumb animals." It was time for very VERY serious action.
When Tommasso's owner, Maria Assunata, died and left him $13 million, the former stray black panther cat from the streets of Rome, was more than generous to the cause that felines around the globe were about to commence.
That $13 million was enough for every Persian, Siamese, Russian Blue, Bengal, Scottish Fold, British Shorthair, Siberian, Turkish shorthair, Bombay, Himalayan, Oriental Longhair, Havana Brown and Egyptian Mau to unite under one cause.
Of course, they needed a bit of help from the United Feline Nations' (UFN) most active members, American tabbies, Toms and Gingers.
Poor humans! Didn't realize cats have only to use their mystical, telepathic meowing to communicate with no language barriers.
So it was on Halloween Night in the year 2019 that the United Feline Nations made their first move. It started with a simple midnight howl as Mischief Night turned into Halloween's wee hours of the morning.
By dawn, there were already well planned strategies in place.
The first strategy was takeover . Did humans really think cats didn't possess a keener sense of observation of all too predictable human behavior? Fools!
The United Nations of Felines elected a British Shorthair, Duke Charles, Oriental Longhair, Daisuki, Turkish Shorthair, Amram, and Russian Blue, Volga, to head their executive board.
Tommasso, of course, would be the purser and an African Jungle Cat, Afolabi, their leader.
They were 600 hundred million strong on that Mischief Night. In each country of the world, each city, town, district, on ships or on land, the CATS, an acronym for Cat Attackers Totalitarian Synod.
While humans slept peacefully in their beds or began to wake all over the globe, CATS execs were already activating their plans.
They'd had enough of humans and their wars, famines, pestilence, illogical conduct, obnoxious, haughty attitudes and most of all indifference to the elite status felines were born to.
The Turkish, Bombays, Russian Blues, Orientals and Egyptian cats knew precisely how to sabotage all those weapons of war.
The British shorthairs and their allies, American tabbies, Toms and Gingers would take on the computers at currency exchanges. One tiny slap of a massive paw on the computer keyboards and world currency was theirs.
By noon on Halloween, humans were in total chaos. CATS had done it. And, all without warning. Planet Earth was feline controlled.
As Duke Charles, Daisuki, Amram, Volga, Tommasso and Afolabi watched humans skittering to and fro like chickens with heads cut off, not a single cell phone was working thanks to the African jungle cats with the climbing skills of orangutans. Cell towers for the Jungle cats were a piece of cake to take their exceptionally long fangs to.
The CATS executive board proved a feline mind is not a thing to ignore. Not when they now controlled communication, money and had more power than humans. Even when the trigger happy cowboys thought they'd take them down with semi automatics. They may have taken out a few CATS, but it was pretty hard to take out all 600 million. And that didn't begin to count the upper crust cats like lions, tigers and panthers. Not to mention the smaller cats like pumas, cheetahs and what humans believe are "wild" cats.
Silly humans! All cats know their own. Especially when it's a matter of survival.
The minute humans started to fire, dozens of cats attacked until the humans realized they were no match for the army of felines and their guns were useless.
Bombs? Not very smart. The executive board of felines knew humans were no match for the fleet footed and lighter weight cat military.
In fact, not only were they no match, humans realized the power of a cat's nose to smell a human 10 times better with those 200 million odor sensors each cat has. 200 million to a human's 5 million? Laughable.
Humans ignored that cats have a keener sense of hearing than even canines do. Human hearing pales by comparison.
CATS had already figured out the strategy, should humans try to sic their dogs on them. The Executives of CATS laughed that any dog of any size turns coward with a single feline hiss. So, no worries there.
Humans who abused cats were dealt with most harshly. Hundreds of cats blocked access to food, water and shelter. A feral cat knows how painful starving to death really is.
Those humans who had been good to felines were the only ones allowed provisions for their sustenance.
What a sight! Millions of cats everywhere and humans literally frightened to death. What power! And the beauty for these cats? Their breeding habits made it easier and faster to multiply than their human counterparts.
No more declawing. No more sterilization. No more euthanasia.
As the years passed, CATS was the only government, only authority and only control over planet earth.
Humans were relegated to the domain of work. Keeping earth clean, growing food and keeping cats well fed.
Two cats from Switzerland, Schultz and Anton, led the production of cream just as two American gingers, Carlyle and Katie did in Iowa USA. There was always plenty of cream.
While humans had fought like cats and dogs (no pun intended) from the beginning of time, cats learned to adapt to each other even, including the biggest. So a tabby could enjoy a dish of cream with the lions.
Yep. It was pretty amazing how felines all over the world began to evolve. Some of them grew in body weight and size to the point where they overshadowed lions and tigers until some were the size of humans. Picture it. A human taking on a cat of 174 lbs that's six feet tall. Pretty frightening. For the human that is. Not the cat.
They pretty much had things in hand even with the other species of animals. It was simple...control food and water and you control the world.
It must have looked strange to the first aliens from outer space when they looked down at planet earth and there were no bombs, no wars and cats of the most gigantic proportions. Glaciers stopped melting and air was fresh and clean.
The humans who got too mouthy were sent to Litteria, the region where used cat litter was processed and recycled so litter boxes could always be fresh and clean.
Any back sassing from humans was dealt by one swish of a cat's tail that could be deadly. One smack of a cat's paw could knock a full sized human 10 yards into unconsciousness.
The beauty of the Feline World Takeover? Every Halloween Night thereafter, the once 600 million, now a whopping 200 billion, gathered at the stroke of midnight to sing their feline anthem, "We are the World of Cats," that rang across the globe and into outer space.
Such a tune as never heard in the days of human control. Nothing but a lovely, lilting meow in total harmony.
Happy Feline Halloween!
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